I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
