Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
