So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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