I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
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I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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