I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
