bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
