shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
