I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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