You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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