They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
