do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
