Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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