You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
