oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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