toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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