Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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