Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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