My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
