It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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