i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
