DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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