Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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