We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
