please come you make the beer taste better
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
