We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
