I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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