Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
