For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
