he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
