i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
