paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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