they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
