I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
