If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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