My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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