I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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