His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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