when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
