Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
