is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
