you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
