I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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