Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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