I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
