Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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