Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
