Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are two peas in an std pod
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
