i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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