S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
