just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am available for nakedness
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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