Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
