hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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