Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
