I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I know her cup size but not her name....
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