you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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