Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
