Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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