you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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