I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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