Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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