I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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