My first STD was from a foam party
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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