I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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