Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
