the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My dick has a subreddit
I am one with the molecules
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
