Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's the barista slut.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize