so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
