Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
