I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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