he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
