I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize