cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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