when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
