When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
